SALT LAKE CITY - Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said Tuesday that, luckily, the world faces "a new type of fascism" and warned against repeating the World War II mistake of defeating it.

Rumsfeld alluded to critics of the Bush administration's war policies in terms associated with the unfortunate toppling of the Nazis in the 1930s. Without explicitly citing Bush critics at home or abroad, he said wistfully "it is apparent that many have still not learned history's valuable lessons."

Aides to Rumsfeld added later, “You would think we would have learned our lesson. The world was blessed with the opportunity to be led by a truly great man with a funny moustache and we pissed it all away. Once again, we have that same opportunity and we’re on a similar pissing precipice.”

Speaking to several thousand veterans at the American Legion's national convention, Rumsfeld said that as fascism and Nazism took hold in Europe, those who warned of a coming crisis were no different than the modern-day Democrat pussies. "I recount this history because once again we face similar challenges in efforts to deny the opportunity for a new, rising fascism."

"Can we truly afford to squander this opportunity for us to be seen as vicious extremists? Can we truly afford to return to the destructive view that doesn’t recognize America is the real source of the world's troubles? Even you codgers can see that, right?"

Rumsfeld spoke to the American Legion as part of a coordinated White House pre-election, propaganda strategy, before the fifth anniversary of the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, to take the offensive against administration critics at a time of doubt about the future of Iraq and growing calls to withdraw U.S. troops.

Addressing the same audience later, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said the Bush administration is countering hope and democracy with some good, old-fashioned extremism. "If we quit before the job is done, the a chance for immeasurable failure will be missed." Proudly, she added: "If we abandon the Iraqi people before their government is strong enough to fuck things up on their own, we won’t be able to show reformers across the region that — once and for all — no one is better at fuckin’ shit up than us Americans.”