Political instability all over the world seems to dominate the news every god-forsaken day. Nowhere is this more true than in the middle east. I don’t know about you but I just can’t keep it all straight. Iran hates Iraq (except when we hate Iraq). Hussein’s former Iraqi government hated the Kurds. Everyone hates Jordan because they frequently align themselves with our western policies — the same holds true for Georgia further to the north. Hamas and the Hezbollah militia in Lebanon hate the Jews in Israel and the Israelis hate them right back. Despite everyone’s efforts to iron shit out – inside or outside of the region – the scuttlebutt rages on.
It would seem that the reason for the unrest has dominated the region so long is that we just haven’t found the true source of the conflict — until now. That’s right, mochacho, I’ve figured it out. It's quite simple, really. The answer is proximity. They’re just too close together — the little buggers are packed in like sardines. You know how it is being cooped up with others in a tight space for too long. After a while, you start to hate everything about them. Now, I’m NOT talking in geographical terms here, I’m talking about their close proximity on the alphabetical landscape. Georgia. Hamas. Hezbollah. Hussein. Iraq. Iran. Israel. Jews. Jordan. Kurds. Lebanon. I don’t know why no one has picked up on this yet but they are all just six letters apart in the alphabet. That’s just too damn close. Hell, in a couple cases, there are two or three living in the same letter – it’s no wonder there’s so much fighting. Poor Israel is getting the worst of it. Not only do they get it from both side with Hamas and Hezbollah, but word on the street is the Harlem Globe Trotters are preparing to stage air strikes against them.
What’s the solution? Simple. Spread those mothers out, there’s a lot of real estate on the geo-alphabetical spectrum. There’s some really nice undeveloped land down around Q. And I heard the surfing is choice just off the coast of Y. It’s a bit crowded here in the A neighborhood however, but at least we’re on the end so we can open the window and stick our heads out.
posted by Dwardisimo Rex at 8:13 AM
6 Comments:
Wow, it turns out the globe isn't a melting pot, so much as a bowl of alphabet soup. This is a breakthrough theory on global geopolisocioalphabetizing. I'm sure it will studied in universities and will, in time, be recognized by the Nobel organization.
Thanks for the welcome back message - good to hear from you too. A gothic based, scary, screaming monkey tattoo? Where do I sign up?! Talk about a conversation piece.
As for your 'soup' theory, I think that you may be on to something. However, I would like to add a bit to that. As 1/2 of my family comes from Palestine they will be the first to tell you that there are just too many people (with too many different views) trying to fill too small of a space. My late great aunt, who moved from Jeruslem to Yonkers in the 1950s, used to tell me stories about how all the woman from the village areas (Palestinian and Israeli alike) would walk together for miles to a market to get food for their families. While they were there, they often spoke of the fact that they, as woman, were able to get along even if they didn't totally agree. However, the men could never see eye to eye, and would sqabble whenever they met for a conversation - whether it be over a cup of Turkish coffee, or a 'friendly' game of backgammon. Now, I'm not saying that all men should be irradicated from the area, (both her sons are great people and I know other men from the area that are well spoken and kind), but perhaps if more woman were in charge, things would be just a little bit different. My aunt was one of the wisest people I ever knew, so I tend to think that maybe she was on to something too.
And before anyone gets too crazy over this theory, I should add that she never believed that woman would do a better job because they would be 'gentle', but rather because they saw themselves as better diplomats. They were already struggling to keep things at peace in their own homes and neighborhoods. Who's to say that they couldn't have spread that peace elsewhere? Maybe they should have gotten together to make soup...
I believe you are on to something here. Being sandwiched together in the middle of the alphabet has its drawbacks. Perhaps an alpha-numerical system would keep the peace.
As far as the United States war effort, I propose that The Shrub (our dear White House resident) quit spending our tax dollar and have a bake sale instead. --JR
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
lmms is right, of course. Women don't wage war like us fellas. They might give each other the silent treatment for a little while. But what's that compared to thousands of body bags? Think about it. Who was the last female who waged war -- Joan of Arc?* (Uh oh, you'll notice her name fits snugly in the Murderer's Row of the alphabet.) That's a pretty good track record for peace.
My own dear sainted mum theorized over her evening martini that if all women withheld sex during war, there'd be a lot less war. Just an idea from a gray-haired, little old lady.
*Joan of Arc was sent to war by Charles II -- A MAN! Then she was burned at the stake by the Duke of Bedford -- ANOTHER MAN! (thanks, Wikipedia)
easy solution: think of it in the arabic alphabet and they all spread out. yet another evil attributable to the roman script.
Post a Comment
<< Home