Thursday, September 28, 2006

Yesterday, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice issued the threat of stepping up international sanctions against Sudan if they did not stop military operations in and around Darfur and unconditionally accept the UN’s peacekeeping forces. Her words were prickly, “If the Sudanese government chooses confrontation — if it continues waging war against its own citizens, challenging the African Union, undermining its peacekeeping force, and threatening the international community — then the regime in Khartoum will be held responsible, and it alone will bear the consequences.”

Zoinks! That’s some tough talk. But it’s hard to deny that her comments a overly disproportionate. I mean, really, what’s wrong with a Sudan? I don’t have one — I drive one of those enviro-slut SUVs — but that doesn’t mean they’re wrong. In fact, they’re probably the wisest, most practical automotive choice for the average American. The four doors provide easy access for all passengers. Ample trunk space. Reasonable fuel economy. (Except for that ridiculous Dodge Charger. Wow, what were they thinking? Who needs a Hemi to haul the kids to soccer practice? [Well, except Badway, that is.])

Anyway, why is she being so mean?

Friday, September 08, 2006

Competition is fierce for the coveted Crackpot of the Year award. Up ‘til now, Emperor George II and Anne Coulter have been in a tight race for for this honor. But lately, a new candidate has risen up through the ranks. U.S. Representative Katherine Harris has gone so far to the right that she has evidently fallen off the edge and bumped her noggin. Now, I was thinking about explaining how much of a nut case she is and then it dawned on me, no one can say it better than Katherine herself. You see, she was interviewed for the Florida Baptist Witness on Tuesday. That, all by itself, illustrates how nuts-o she is. Here are some excepts. (Remember this is just one article, she’s built a whole career on shit like this.)

When asked why voters — specifically Baptists — should care about this primary (i.e: vote for her) she waxed this’n: "If you are not electing Christians, tried and true, under public scrutiny and pressure, if you're not electing Christians then in essence you are going to legislate sin." Whoa! “Legislate sin?” That’s White House caliber spin. Well played. I don’t suspect that’s the last we’ll hear of that angle. I’m looking forward to more. “Policy of evil.” “The Satan lobby.”

And if that wasn’t yummy enough she puts a dollop of this on top: “People look to our country as one nation as under God and whenever we legislate sin and we say abortion is permissible and we say gay unions are permissible, then average citizens who are not Christians, because they don't know better, we are leading them astray and it's wrong.” Wow, could she be any more self-righteous and condescending?

When asked what role she felt faith should play in politics and government she dispensed this tidbit: "The Bible says we are to be salt and light. And salt and light means not just in the church and not just as a teacher or as a pastor or a banker or a lawyer, but in government and we have to have elected officials in government and we have to have the faithful in government and over time, that lie we have been told, the separation of church and state, people have internalized, thinking that they needed to avoid politics and that is so wrong because God is the one who chooses our rulers.”

Nice, huh? Wait, there’s more: “And if we are the ones not actively involved in electing those godly men and women and if people aren't involved in helping godly men in getting elected than we're going to have a nation of secular laws. That's not what our founding fathers intended and that's certainly isn't what God intended.”

Wha-wha-what? Let’s take an intermission and pull a quote from one of those founding fathers that she seems understand so well, James Madison (with thanks to Rhonda Lokeman of the KC Star for digging it up): “There is not a shadow of right in the General Government to intermeddle with religion. Its least interference with it would be a most flagrant usurpation … a particular state might concur in one religious project … But the United States abound in such a vast variety of sects, that it is a strong security against religious persecution, and is sufficient to authorize a conclusion, that no one sect will ever be able to outnumber or depress the rest.” Sound to you like Harris is a crackpot? This is what I’m saying.

One more. When asked about her view on why she opposes the funding of stem cell research, more wisdom spews from the hole in her face. “I am adamantly opposed to embryonic stem cell research and voted as such. I'm the only candidate in the primary or general who's voted against embryonic stem cell research and has voted for cord blood research and adult stem cell research.” Honestly, can I get a WTF? This is a woman who has — true to Republican form — voted to ban abortion. How can someone claim to be adamantly pro-life and yet be so adamantly opposed to the concept of extending life. Freak.

As I’m sure you are aware, she won the nomination in the Republican primary on Tuesday. (Thanks again, you Floridian retards.)

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Rummy Denounces Appeasement

Secretary of War Donald Rumsfeld accused his critics of suffering from "moral or intellectual confusion." To clear things up, here is an illustrated guide to help you recognize appeasement.

Appeasement, 1939:

Definitely not appeasement, 1983:

Friday, September 01, 2006

SALT LAKE CITY - Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said Tuesday that, luckily, the world faces "a new type of fascism" and warned against repeating the World War II mistake of defeating it.

Rumsfeld alluded to critics of the Bush administration's war policies in terms associated with the unfortunate toppling of the Nazis in the 1930s. Without explicitly citing Bush critics at home or abroad, he said wistfully "it is apparent that many have still not learned history's valuable lessons."

Aides to Rumsfeld added later, “You would think we would have learned our lesson. The world was blessed with the opportunity to be led by a truly great man with a funny moustache and we pissed it all away. Once again, we have that same opportunity and we’re on a similar pissing precipice.”

Speaking to several thousand veterans at the American Legion's national convention, Rumsfeld said that as fascism and Nazism took hold in Europe, those who warned of a coming crisis were no different than the modern-day Democrat pussies. "I recount this history because once again we face similar challenges in efforts to deny the opportunity for a new, rising fascism."

"Can we truly afford to squander this opportunity for us to be seen as vicious extremists? Can we truly afford to return to the destructive view that doesn’t recognize America is the real source of the world's troubles? Even you codgers can see that, right?"

Rumsfeld spoke to the American Legion as part of a coordinated White House pre-election, propaganda strategy, before the fifth anniversary of the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, to take the offensive against administration critics at a time of doubt about the future of Iraq and growing calls to withdraw U.S. troops.

Addressing the same audience later, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said the Bush administration is countering hope and democracy with some good, old-fashioned extremism. "If we quit before the job is done, the a chance for immeasurable failure will be missed." Proudly, she added: "If we abandon the Iraqi people before their government is strong enough to fuck things up on their own, we won’t be able to show reformers across the region that — once and for all — no one is better at fuckin’ shit up than us Americans.”