Okay, so I have this theory. Wanna hear it? Good. The coolness level of a motor vehicle (and thereby the operator) has a direct correlation to its vertical to horizontal ratio. The greater x is in relation to y, the cooler the vehicle. Conversely, the greater y is in relation to x, the dorkier the vehicle. Follow me? Here's an example. Exhibit A, a Lamborghini Murcielago. As far as cars go, it's hard to dispute that that's a pretty cool car. It's much longer than it is tall. It boasts a length of about fifteen feet while having a rather modest height of three feet, eight inches.
Exhibit B, a BMW 325Ci Coupe. Not as cool as the Lamborghini, but without a doubt, a very cool car. This lady killer sports a length of about 13 feet. That's just one foot shy of our curve-setting Italian mama but the difference here is in the height -- four and one half feet. Rather long, but tall by comparison. See where we are going? (photo shown is a sedan. Whatever, you get the idea. Squint if you have to.)
Exhibit C: The motorcycle. In this case a Harley XL 1200R Sportster. The width is seven and one half feet while the height is about forty inches. This is a very cool mode of transportation but you will notice that our length is continuing to not be quite so much more that that our length. Okay, I know that there are dozens upon dozens of arguments brewing. Why that make? Why a Sporster? Why not a Softtail? Motorcycles are way awesomer than cars. Jeezchrist. I picked a make with cred and a model with longevity. Okay? No? I don't care. It's a motorcycle, okay, not a lifestyle. Aside from the "Hey, I'm a Harley dude mystique, a sweet car is still better than a motorcycle. Live with it. Can we move on?
Exhibit D: The scooter. Uh-huh, that's right, you are starting to really see the deterioration now, aren't you. Check it, the Vespa GTS, in all it's glory. The length is just under seventy-six and one-half inches while the seat height is a whopping thirty inches. The gap is closing in? Think about this: the overall height of this love machine is around a foot taller than the seat height. I couldn't find any hard data on the total vertical dimension but even still, my point is made, right? Ironically, with a rider, it's almost square.
Exhibit E: The final vehicle, setting the dorky end of the cool-dorky spectrum. The Segway. I believ the positioning statement for this baby is "Mobility At Its Queerest." The width is a measly nineteen inches, and I'm not sure what the height is, (it's adjustable) but with a adult male of average height on board, it's about six foot, eight inches.
So now you see, the coolness of a vehicle has a direct correlation to its vertical to horizontal ratio. The wider a vehicle is, as compared to its height, the cooler the vehicle. The taller vehicle, as compared to its width, the dorkier the vehicle. Brilliant!
Exhibit B, a BMW 325Ci Coupe. Not as cool as the Lamborghini, but without a doubt, a very cool car. This lady killer sports a length of about 13 feet. That's just one foot shy of our curve-setting Italian mama but the difference here is in the height -- four and one half feet. Rather long, but tall by comparison. See where we are going? (photo shown is a sedan. Whatever, you get the idea. Squint if you have to.)
Exhibit C: The motorcycle. In this case a Harley XL 1200R Sportster. The width is seven and one half feet while the height is about forty inches. This is a very cool mode of transportation but you will notice that our length is continuing to not be quite so much more that that our length. Okay, I know that there are dozens upon dozens of arguments brewing. Why that make? Why a Sporster? Why not a Softtail? Motorcycles are way awesomer than cars. Jeezchrist. I picked a make with cred and a model with longevity. Okay? No? I don't care. It's a motorcycle, okay, not a lifestyle. Aside from the "Hey, I'm a Harley dude mystique, a sweet car is still better than a motorcycle. Live with it. Can we move on?
Exhibit D: The scooter. Uh-huh, that's right, you are starting to really see the deterioration now, aren't you. Check it, the Vespa GTS, in all it's glory. The length is just under seventy-six and one-half inches while the seat height is a whopping thirty inches. The gap is closing in? Think about this: the overall height of this love machine is around a foot taller than the seat height. I couldn't find any hard data on the total vertical dimension but even still, my point is made, right? Ironically, with a rider, it's almost square.
Exhibit E: The final vehicle, setting the dorky end of the cool-dorky spectrum. The Segway. I believ the positioning statement for this baby is "Mobility At Its Queerest." The width is a measly nineteen inches, and I'm not sure what the height is, (it's adjustable) but with a adult male of average height on board, it's about six foot, eight inches.
So now you see, the coolness of a vehicle has a direct correlation to its vertical to horizontal ratio. The wider a vehicle is, as compared to its height, the cooler the vehicle. The taller vehicle, as compared to its width, the dorkier the vehicle. Brilliant!
posted by Dwardisimo Rex at 1:00 PM
1 Comments:
dwardisimorex, you're a crackpot. You think a Segway is dorky? The Segway was born at the intersection of Physics and Technology. Nothing is cooler than gyro-powered mobility. You haven't tasted freedom until you've filled your fanny pack with PowerBars and a juicebox and hit the highway at a silent 12mph -- wind in your hair and nary a care, damn! Want celebrity-like attention? Lean forward on your "Seg" and as you pick up speed, you'll also pick up the stares of every babe you force off the sidewalk. I guess a Lamboghini is okay in a Miami Vice sort of way (or did they drive a Mazerati? I forget.) But for my money, nothing says "The is MY world" like a perfectly-balanced cruise on my Segway. That's just how I roll.
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