What in tar nation is this world coming to? I mean when did people replace actual knocking with the act of just standing in your office doorway saying “knock-knock?” Wouldn’t it be easier to just knock? And what’s with people “thinking out loud?” It’s rather vexing, don’t cha know? It happens to me at work all the time. It’s been driving me bonkers. So much so that I decided to embrace it. And you should too, it’ll be oodles of fun.

How, you say? Okay, here’s how I got started: I was walking down the hall on my way to the WC one morning and walked up to a colleague and just said “handshake” without my hand extended. Neat, huh? Here’s another example submitted by PopperSmoke: go home at night, crawl into bed with whomever you crawl into bed with and say “sex” until you’ve both fallen asleep.

I’m telling you we could revolutionize inter-personal communication.

There are limitations, though. I tried to call my friend by saying “ring, ring” into the receiver. Didn’t work. And it actually backfired on me a couple of times. Earlier, a really hot coworker walked into my office and I said “sex fantasy.” She turned around and stormed out. I think I’m going to be in trouble. And yesterday I went into the stall to take a crap and said “pull down my pants.” I had to go home and change.

On second thought this doesn’t sound like such a good idea after all because I’ve been saying “four-course meal” all week. I’m so hungry I think I’m going to faint.